Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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