those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
babies were throwing up all over the place
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
