i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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