you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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