five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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