im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
