he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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