K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
