just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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