i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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