dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
time to smoke my breakfast
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
