i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The best revenge is premature balding
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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