My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
