No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
