I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
