i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
