I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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