your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
