just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
