Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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