She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
