dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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