and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
