How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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