Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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