she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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