the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
