Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
