The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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