ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
