I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
