"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Blood and glitter go together right?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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