break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
