dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
