R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
