I could make wine with my vomit
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
