I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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