I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
