So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
