So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
