haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
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I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
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Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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