Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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