It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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