Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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