so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
