Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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