I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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