I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
