Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
