that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
