if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
