I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
