Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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