tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
