just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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