You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
