my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
please come you make the beer taste better
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
