No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
