i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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