After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
