I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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