I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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