have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
They have beer where we have blood.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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