omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
