i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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