Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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