She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
