If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
and you fell through a lawn chair
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
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