So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
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I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
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Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
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