i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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