how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
